Lesson One: Do The Damn Thing (and do it scared)

She’s baaaaackkkk! 

Last time I wrote like this, I was a 20-year-old college girl, with not much on my mind except for when I should start getting ready for the bar and which classes to take next semester. I stopped writing freely after it started to feel less like a fun hobby and more like an obligation. This is why, even though I majored in Journalism, I could never actually be a journalist.

Currently, all my inner thoughts are spilled out to my friends or my journal, and while I’m sure they never get sick of hearing every single detail of my day, I decided that a fun and unique way to express all the things I’ve learned in my first few years post-grad would be to write about them instead (don’t worry, friends, I’ll never stop oversharing). If you’re curious what I used to write about, click here. Feel free to cringe a little, I am too. Anyway, if you’re navigating your 20s and growing through it like I am, then I think you’ll find a lot of resonance in my writing and maybe feel a little seen.

I have a journal that I write in almost every night, sitting under my childhood nightstand that my dad graciously painted white for me when I moved out to match my “adult” aesthetic. Beneath a stack of books that I half-read over the course of a period I’m too ashamed to admit, sits a brown journal I purchased at an obscenely high price from Target. The journal (that I refuse to call a diary) is filled with everything from a quote I heard in the middle of the day that I rushed to scribble down before it escaped my brain, to painstakingly comprehensive summaries of my day. Don’t worry, I won’t regurgitate my day for you; that’s what roommates are for. Instead, each entry here will be a little lesson I’ve learned since college that I think deserves more than a page in my journal.

Without further ado, welcome to the inner workings of my brain.

Lesson One: Courage is not the absence of fear. No one is asking you to be fearless, just be brave. Do the damn thing.

Essentially, do that thing you’ve always wanted to do, and do it scared.

This past summer, my roommates and I ventured to Rockport, and since it was overcast and too cold to swim, we sat around in beach chairs on the sand and, in essence, did the exact same thing we’d do at our apartment, talk in circles. Side note: It’s genuinely amazing that I live with these girls and we somehow always find new things to talk about. Once we exhausted our usual subjects: boys, the future, morality, we decided to go around the circle and share our favorite quote. My roommate Haley loves spin classes. If you’ve never taken a spin class before, this is your sign. The instructors are super peppy and a different breed of energy, but boy, do those jacked human Red Bulls know how to deliver a motivational quote. One that stuck with Haley was: "No one is asking you to be fearless, just be brave." As soon as she said that, I immediately grabbed my phone and set a reminder to write it down when I got home.

Every time I feel anxious or afraid to do something new, even something as mundane as walking into the grocery store when I’m feeling exceptionally anti-social, I remind myself that these feelings are going to exist whether I like it or not. The choice is whether I allow them to dictate my decisions.

For example, I recently got into running, and while yes, it has fully consumed me and become my personality, I actually almost quit, multiple times. I was too afraid to run a couple of miles, let alone a half marathon, and soon to be a full marathon. I’m not exactly sure what I was afraid of, maybe failure, maybe being too slow, or starting too late in life (but I can chill, I’m 23, and it’s never too late). I learned that you don’t actually have to be good at your hobbies, that’s why they’re not called professions. I’m no Shakespeare, but I love to write. I’m no Ed Sheeran, but I love to play (well, "play" is a strong word, let’s say "strum") the guitar. I’ll never break a world record or run a sub-three-hour marathon, but I can say I’m still doing the things that scare me a little, and I’m doing them for me!

As I continued to lean into my hobbies, especially running, I quickly learned that I just had to keep showing up (motivation<discipline). That’s the hardest part. You can fake confidence for as long as you want, but at the end of the day, the only way you’ll gain real, authentic self-esteem is to show up and prove to yourself that you can be successful, despite an inner monologue that argues otherwise.

I can guarantee that almost no one who has accomplished something great has done it unscathed and anxiety-free. I’ve gained so much knowledge from running, but ultimately, I can sum it up as not necessarily fearlessness, but rather the act of persevering even though I’m full of self-doubt and scared shitless. Even these blog posts scare me. I’m absolutely afraid of being perceived, but who isn’t? So, I’m doing it anyway.

I’ll leave you with this, whether you’re feeling scared to apply for that new job, take the surfing lesson, move to a new city, book the flight, go on that date, run a marathon, or just walk into the gym, I encourage you to do it, and do it scared.

Siri, please play Fearless by Taylor Swift (Taylor’s Version).

Next time i’ll keep my eyes open for the picture